Insomnia
by Amy-Star
Summary: Nana K. reflects on her changing perception of sleep during the years, and how she receives help from a friend in dealing with it. Spoilers for later chapters in the Manga.


**Author note: **So I deleted the earlier version of this story because it had some problems with it. I probably didn't need to delete it but it just seemed the easier way to go about it, and since no one left a review I wouldn't be offending anyone. Anyhow I hope you all like the story :D

Nana = Nana Komatsu

NANA = Nana Osaki

Nana found that sleep stopped being an activity that came naturally; she no longer slept long or deeply. It had become a chore, just another job to check off her to do list.

She wondered when she started to look at sleep that way, was it back when she still lived in apartment 707 with NANA, when NANA split her time living at Ren's and occasional dropping by the apartment for a night or two. She would sit at the wooden table set looking down at the river highlighted by moonlight, wondering when NANA was getting back. She was afraid that if she went to sleep NANA would come home and they would miss each other again.

She started to hate the nights; the silence only reminded her that she had nothing to fill the empty gaps with, that a big part of her was lonely. That was one of the reasons she started sleeping with Takumi, for when they were together Nana did not feel as lonely. His presence, the sound of his voice, the smell of his cigarettes comforted her into sleep. When they married, she hoped that it would continue to be that way, but then Takumi would work late at night, often not even coming home at all. She knew he had lovers too, sometimes she wondered what made her feel more jealous the thought of him having sex with other women or helping them fall asleep.

She wondered if he helped Reira to sleep.

On the nights when she was alone, she would wander their apartment with no real purpose, like a ghost who had long forgotten why she was haunting this particular space. She tried to break out of this habit by keeping herself busy, read up on the new spring fashion line, doing odd chores like rearranging the refrigerator by food groups then alphabetically, or watch late night infomercials. When she did finally manage to fall asleep, it was in the weirdest places, in the dinning room her hand still clutching the pen she was using to write out a recipe, in the bathtub that she had been cleaning, on the floor beside the bed surrounded by laundry.

Despite being married, she often slept alone.

Then when Ren had died, she tried her hardest to be there for NANA and that meant staying up with her friend into the dark hours of the night. NANA did not seem to sleep at all after Ren's death; she never seemed fully awake either. Most of the time she would coil up against the couch, her body completely still but eyes slightly open.

On the few occasions she managed to convince NANA to sleep, they would curl up together under the blanket like they had done before when Nana was afraid of ghosts. Now it was her turn to help her friend battle her demons but in the end, but she felt useless. After NANA managed to fall asleep Nana would lay there silently watching her friend, eyes taking in the white skin that was too pale, black hair that hung limply from lack of care, how her already high cheekbones were now more sharply pronounced. In truth though she knew NANA needed to get what sleep she could, but a part of her always hated it. NANA's position was too stiff, like she could never get comfortable, there was no expression on her features and in truth when she slept, she looked like she was dead.

Then NANA disappeared and once again, she had no purpose to her nights.

Now she was a mother of two and a wife who also worked part of the time, her days became so busy and filled with activity that by the end of the day she would collapse in exhaustion only to wake up a few hours later to start all over again. However, often when she was drifting her mind would think of things she could be doing if she was awake. There was no pleasure in falling asleep, she no longer dreamed either, if she did it would be of an unfathomable whiteness that she was unable to add any color to.

Now here she was sitting alone late at night in her dinning room starring at her cell phone that sat in the middle of the table. Satsuki had been put down to bed for six hours ago, Nana already checked on her three times like a night watchmen, each time wrapping the blanket her daughter kicked off around her again.

She had nothing to do but felt that even if she did change into pajamas and lay down on her bed that she would not fall asleep. Nana bit down on her lower lip nervously, her left hand stretched out towards her cell phone before pausing for a second, after releasing an annoyed sigh at her hesitation she snatched the phone and dialed the number.

"Hello Terashima Inn, how may I help you?"

Her mouth opened but no sound came out.

"Hello? Anybody there?"

"Ah…Nobu?"

"Nana?"

"Um, yes, hello."

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, it's silly really. I shouldn't be bothering you."

"It's fine; I'm not really doing anything."

"I was surprised when it was you that answered the phone."

"One of my workers called in sick so I'm doing the night shift. It's so quiet that I'm getting annoyed."

Nana smiled to herself imagining Nobu sitting at the front desk shifting and fidgeting, probably banging a pen rhythmically on the desk to make sound.

"As owner it's your job to do tasks you don't want to do," she teasingly scolded.

"But is sooo boring," he groaned out, she then heard a soft thump and wondered if she banged his head on the front desk to emphasize his statement, "What are you still doing up?"

"I just can't sleep."

"Bad day at work? Satsuki sick with a cold? You watched Shin's recent movie and now you're forever scarred?"

She laughed softly, " No I usually can't sleep that's all."

There was a pause at the other end and she wished she could see the expression on his face.

"Maybe you should go see a doctor?" He finally responded concern evident in his voice.

"No, I'm fine really. Not sleeping is such a constant part of my routine that to me it's normal," she flushed with embarrassment at her earnest explanation, wondering if it sounded as sad to her as it did to him.

Instead, she heard him laughed lightly, "Well I'm sure you know what's best."

"Don't you have nights when you can't sleep?"

"Not usually, if anything I sleep too much. If I'm not helping some band I go to bed early. I don't like being awake if there's nothing for me to do."

"I see," she replied softly a part of her feeling envious.

"That and I've always been blessed with the ability to sleep anytime, anywhere I want. One of my many talents along with writing popular songs and charming the ladies."

"God certainly gives more to some than others," Nana shot back dryly getting a loud appreciative laugh out of Nobu.

"You know you still haven't told me why you called."

Nana wavered for a second, "I just wanted to talk to someone."

"And I was the only one you could think that had nothing else going on."

"No! Of course not!" Though a part of her agreed that it was true since Yasu was home with Miu and Shin was either filming or at some party.

"I'm just picking on you," Nana frowned in annoyance at his words but then smiled at the ones that followed," If you ever can't sleep or you want to talk you can always phone me."

"I thought you went to bed early," she tried to smother the happiness in her voice but failed.

"Only if I'm not doing anything, talking to you would be different."

"I promise I will."

"Good."

"Good night Nobu."

"Good night Hachi."

When he hanged up Nana felt warmth spread inside her like submerging into a bath at the use of her old nickname. She closed her phone then turned to look at the clock by her sleeping schedule it was still early for bed but she thought since she had nothing to do maybe she would go to bed.

Tonight she would try to allow herself to sleep.


End file.
